How to Love Yourself and Live an Amazing Life

These are lyrics from the song “All of me” by John Legend and it’s a great song to sing to yourself

There are many questions about self-love that I have received over the past ten years of coaching. And the most common question that I have received from my hundreds of clients is — “How do I love myself?”

I can almost hear you thinking… Not another article on self-love.

Hear me out. Unlike most articles out there on the Internet, the five things discussed with real-life examples here are lessons that have actually worked.

Lesson 1—Set Yourself Free

A gay client came to me once to discuss whether he should come out to his parents. This was a big thing to him because his family was very conservative. As he cried in the session, he talked about how hard it was to keep a secret and he really wished that his parents would understand.

As we explored further, he realised that he can no longer live a lie and decided to come out to his parents. He chose to tell his parents because he decided that it was the right thing for him.

There are things in your life which are incredibly difficult to do. But you know deep down inside you, that these things absolutely need to be done.

What are these things for you?

What whispers to you that needs to be done but you do not have the courage to do yet?

These things are the best acts of self-love that you can do for yourself because these are acts that set you free.

There’s a bit more detail about knowing what’s right for you and this is clarified next.

Lesson 2—Knowing What’s Right

I coached a person once about two possible job offers that she could take. One was a general manager role, another was a business development manager role. The general manager role was in a small company while the business development manager role was in a big company.

I asked her which option she would choose. She said her heart was inclined towards the general manager role because it had more opportunities to make an impact. But her mind said to take the business development role as it was safer.

Having the wisdom when to say “Yes” to a choice is one of the most important things that a person can learn in their self-love journey.

When a person says “Yes” to something, they are saying “No” to all the other possible options that are presented to them.

If given an option to choose between your heart and your mind, which would you pick?

If you think I’m going say, “Follow your heart”, that’s only a partially correct answer.

The right choice is always one that aligns both the heart and mind.

The option that you say “Yes” to defines how much you love yourself, and you can only love yourself completely if you love all of you. (Hence the John Legend song that I referenced to in the picture at the top of this post).

Similarly, if knowing when to say “Yes” is important, knowing when to say “No” is equally important.

Lesson 3—Setting Boundaries

A former client of mine had a sister who had a gambling problem and he was constantly giving money to his sister. He came to me asking how to stop his sister from gambling. We worked together and he tried everything to help his sister. He made counselling recommendations to his sister, had long conversations about financial planning with her, and was there for her emotionally… but nothing worked.

Supporting his sister’s gambling habit had a big financial toll on him and he had been digging into his savings to help her. In the end, he decided to stop giving money. It was hard for him because he had always been the protective big brother all his life.

When he said “No” to his sister, he made a choice to love himself and set boundaries. There will always be people that are not good for you in the world, so you need to learn how to protect yourself from these people by setting boundaries.

Some people think that by setting boundaries, it’s leaving others in the lurch and it’s selfish.

But here’s where it gets interesting… Do you know that by loving yourself, you are honouring others as well?

Lesson 4—Honouring Others

A working mother of three wanted to get coached on her work-life balance. She had issues balancing her work and family life and she was feeling burnt out.

“Is loving yourself selfish?” She asked.

My reply was, “If you don’t love yourself, how do you love others?”

My client’s lack of self-love was causing her to neglect herself, making her feel frazzled and stressed out. She felt short-tempered with her family and her team at work because she did not take care of herself enough.

Loving yourself is one of the best things that you can do for others. When you love yourself, that is when you can be the best for them. You loving yourself is about being your best, and when you are your best, you are also honouring others.

So then, how do you take care of yourself so that you are at your best?

Lesson 5—The Secret to Having the Best Treats for Yourself

I had a coaching client who got a massage for himself every week as an act of self-love. When I asked him how it was an act of self-love, he said that it was a treat for himself.

There’s a difference between self-love and getting treats for yourself. When a treat is a conscious act of celebrating oneself, that is an act of self-love. When a treat is simply a way to enjoy yourself, that is an act of enjoyment.

The difference is in the intention. Although this may seem subtle, the difference in intention causes you to receive the act differently. When you are focused on enjoying yourself, you are receiving the pleasures of the act. When you focus on the self-love aspect of the treat, you are acknowledging how wonderful you are as a person.

The best treats are treats which are both acts of enjoyment and acts of self-love—and that’s amazing, isn’t it?

Conclusion

Learning how to love yourself is a lifelong journey and there are many other lessons beyond these five that I have written here. Like loving other people, there is no one method of loving yourself and it is a personal journey that only you can take.

There’s one last nugget of wisdom that I would like to share from my own experience as a person. And that is —

Loving yourself is a deeply fulfilling journey that leads to a wonderful life of great experiences and meaning. It honours who you are as a person and honours others as well.

For those who are already living these five lessons, you know what I mean.

If you still have some way to go, now is a good time to start putting what you learnt here into your life.

Wherever you are in your life right now, nothing is more important than loving yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself, who will?

So take action today, now, to love yourself more and live an amazing life.